Can't live without him
by IluvTheChipmunks
Summary: It's been a month since he left. Every time Brittany thinks back to that day when she lost him, she soon realizes that her life is useless without him. But what happens when she has had enough with suffering the pain, guilt, loneliness and heartache?


It has been one month since that terrible accident.

The night when everything - the meaning of life - was gone forever. That dreadful night, when that accident happened, everything lost it's meaning, and everything fell out of place. It has affected the lives of everyone in the family, their friends, _everyone_. But it has taken enormous effect on Brittany - because she knew that the accident was caused because of her. If she'd only listen to him, there would be no problems is her life - none of this would be happening right now. Love meant absolutely nothing to her anymore. Nothing. After that night, love was the last thing on her mind. She needed him back. But the hole in her heart would be left empty forever. No one but him could ever fill it again.

No one.

Every time Brittany thought back to that night, she felt the air around her get thinner, until she couldn't breath anymore. She felt her whole body shake with tremendous guilt because of the loss she was suffering until she just got to the point where she would slam her fist into the wall, then drop to the ground, where she would wrap her arms around her knees. She cried herself to sleep. And that happened every single night since the accident, and it became more painful each night. She missed him, and she wished she could just scream it out into the world but there was no use.

He was never coming back.

She couldn't take the guilt much longer. She had to back away from it. It was hurting her mentally and physically. She had enough. She told herself her life was useless now. She didn't deserve to live. She couldn't face the pain anymore. Her heart started to pound against her chest whenever she thought about that night.

The scene of the crash, when the car flipped over. All the shattered glass, the loud crash. Her ear piercing scream when it all happened right in front of her eyes, the feeling of the blood leaving her face when she saw _him _there...It was all her fault.

If she'd only let him stay over for the night, none of this would be happening right now.

**One month ago...**

It was three in the morning. It was a cool winter night. Most people liked to sleep during this time. The forecast said it was going to snow in a few days, so everyone should be prepared for anything. The roads were a bit slippery because of the ice. There was frost on the grass, and the air was a cool crisp breeze. The moon shined bright in the sky, as it's very own light shone down upon everything.

Brittany Miller was peacefully asleep in her room. Her sisters, Eleanor and Jeanette, weren't home this week because of a big meeting they both had to attend in Florida. So it's just Brittany, alone in the house for a week until her sisters came home.

The night was going perfect so far. She was cozy in her own bed, with her blanket holding her tight, with the cool air in her bedroom, with the peaceful sounds of the breeze dancing around outside. She needed the good sleep, because she has been working on a huge project she needed to present later at her office. She has been working on it everyday this past week for at least 9 hours. Maybe more. This project was important. To her, it was a matter of life or death. It put a lot of stress on her, but a good night's sleep made everything better. As mentioned, everything was going fine until...

There was a knock at the front door. Brittany didn't wake up. After a few seconds, another couple of knocks sounded at the door, waking Brittany up this time. She groggily opened her eyes, and groaned when she realized that it was still dark out. It must of been her imagination, or so she thought. But after a few more seconds, the knocks were heard again. They were loud and clear. Brittany slowly sat up in her bed, and glanced at her clock. It read 3:15 AM.

"What the hell?" Brittany groaned.

Who in their right mind would come up to someone's house in the middle of the night to wake them up? Couldn't they wait until morning? The knocks on the door were heard again, this time, it sounded impatient.

Brittany suddenly felt conscious. Who could it be? And why would they go to her house at this time? What if it was a robber? A murderer? No, Brittany shook her head. She was watching too many scary movies lately. The knocks were heard again, and this time, Brittany rose from her bed. She put on her fuzzy pink robe, and walked out of her bedroom. She walked downstairs past the kitchen, and into the living room.

She was now feeling scared. She slightly jumped when she heard the knocks again. Brittany wasn't sure if she should open the door. Maybe she should call someone. But she didn't. Her hand reached out towards the doorknob, knowing that it was a bad idea.

When her fingers touched the doorknob, her whole body went cold. She turned it and slowly opened the door. She gasped when she saw who was standing on the other side.

"Alvin!" Brittany gasped. Her boyfriend was standing outside her door, looking like a complete mess. "What are you doing?"

Alvin stepped into the house and embraced Brittany in a warm hug. "Britt...W-w...what are you doing here?" He asked, sounding confused with himself.

Brittany didn't realize the state Alvin was in at the moment. She released herself from the semi-awkward hug and raised her eyebrows. "I live here..." She said slowly, confused as ever.

"W-where's uh, Eleanor and Jeanette?" He asked, still sounding messed up.

Brittany tilted her head in confusion. "They left for a board meeting. I thought you knew that." Brittany shook her head, not knowing why she was explaining all this to him. "Alvin, what are you doing here? It's 3 in the morning! Shouldn't you be at home?"

Alvin laughed and shook his head. "Ah, screw that. I'll be home soon...Simon and...Theeeeodore know I'm out." He said dizzily.

Brittany's eyes narrowed. "Are you sure they know where you are?"

Alvin tapped his fingers on the side of the wall - as if this was no big deal - and shrugged. "Nah. But who cares? As I said, I'll be home soon."

Brittany raised her eyebrows. "Soon? But it's 3 in the morning? Why-"

But Alvin cut her off. Then unexpectedly, he stepped towards her, putting on hand on the back of her head, and one wrapped around her waist, and pulled Brittany into a passionate kiss. Maybe it was a bit too passionate.

Brittany's eyes widened when he pulled her into the sudden kiss. This wasn't like him. She pushed him away, and took a few steps back, trying to catch her breath. "Alvin? What the hell? What's wrong with you?" She snapped.

Alvin took a few steps towards her, stumbling a bit, then said, "Nothing's wrong Britt...now come on...let's have some fun."

Brittany looked at him. He was acting so weird. He stumbled when he walked. And when he talked, he slurred, as if he was dizzy or something. Brittany gasped, suddenly realizing that Alvin was drunk. Extremely wasted.

"Alvin! A-Are you drunk?" She exclaimed.

Alvin leaned onto the wall and ran a free hand through his already messed up hair. Usually, when Alvin did that, Brittany found it extremely sexy. But now, that was the last thing on her mind. Alvin chuckled. "Maybe a little...come on, I only had a few!"

That pissed Brittany off. Alvin has had a drinking problem for a long time. The two of them have talked about it countless of times, and Alvin has always promised that he would stop. But that never happened. And when Alvin got drunk, it was serious. Brittany had a couple of pregnancy scares before because of it. But after being drunk around her more than 10 times, Brittany had enough.

"A few? What? Alvin! You promised me you would stop drinking!" She snapped.

Alvin rolled his eyes. "I can't help it, okay?"

"_Can't help it?_" She screeched. "Alvin, are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Kill myself?" He laughed to himself. "Noooo of course not, Britt. And would you quit turning everything I do into a huge deal? I just had some drinks, that's all. God, live a little."

"What?" Brittany snapped. She despised the way Alvin acted when he was drunk. He was so rude, and so unlike his own regular self. Brittany hated it. The drunk Alvin wasn't the Alvin she knew. The drunk Alvin wasn't the Alvin she loved. "How can I NOT make this into a big deal? Look at you! You're wasted as hell!"

Alvin laughed again. "Wasted as hell. You're funny, Brittany. You should write these down."

Brittany looked at him, feeling hurt by the comment he just said to her. But she told herself that he was drunk, and that he doesn't know what he's doing, so she took a deep breath and glared at him. "I'm being serious. Look at you!"

Alvin groaned as he threw his head back. "Okay, sorry. _Jeez_." He said, looking at her. "You're right. I'm frickin' wasted right now, so that's why I drove-"

Brittany cut him off. "YOU DROVE HERE? Under these conditions? Are you _seriously _trying to get yourself into an accident?" She spazzed, looking at him with rage. "Alvin, do you know how many people die each year from drinking and driving?"

Alvin sighed out loud, clearly annoyed by his girlfriend's rants. "But I didn't kill myself."

"WHAT IF YOU DID?" Brittany screamed at him, not caring if it was 3 in the morning, not caring if her voice could be heard throughout the silent neighbourhood.

"But I didn't." He answered simply.

"Gosh! You know what? You act like a total jerk whenever you're drunk." Said Brittany.

Alvin looked at her, then sighed. His head was still spinning like crazy, but he managed to keep calm. "Okay. _Fine_. I'm sorry, alright? But I need somewhere to stay until I get sober. Can you let me stay here for the night?" It took him a while trying to get the whole sentence out without slurring or anything like that.

Brittany rolled her eyes. She's heard that excuse before. "Let you stay here until you get sober? And what? Take me into bed, then waking up the next morning, realizing that we've made love the night before?" She scoffed. "Not this time, Alvin."

As mentioned before, this isn't the first time Alvin showed up at Brittany's door at the middle of the night. Except he wasn't drunk. Maybe he was a little, but not as much as tonight. Those other nights. he was just extremely tired from work and stuff, and instead of going home to his own place, he sometimes went to Brittany's place, unexpected, just like right now. And in those nights, Brittany and Alvin both were in the 'mood' and they usually made love the whole night, trying so hard not to wake Eleanor and Jeanette up, who were sleeping in the other rooms. But tonight, after realizing how extremely drunk Alvin was, Brittany wasn't in the mood for anything. She was beyond angry at him.

Alvin sighed. He put a hand on his head, trying to get the buzzing sounds out of his ear. He waited a few seconds before continuing. "Okay, look. Sorry, alright? But can you at least let me stay here for the night? I'll go back home first thing in the morning." He said. "I-If I don't have a hangover."

Brittany rolled her eyes again. His behavior was putting her in a really bad mood. "Alvin, listen. I have this big presentation due soon, you know that. I can't handle anymore stress in my life! And now, you come up to my door, drunk as ever, asking me to stay over until you get sober? I can't babysit you like this! We've been through this a million of times!"

His eyes narrowed at the words 'babysit'. "Britt, all I'm asking is-"

"No, Alvin! How many times have you gotten drunk this year?" Brittany fumed. "Many times! We've had this talk so many times, but you never listen! I keep letting you stay over for the night, and you keep promising me that you'll stop drinking but that NEVER HAPPENED. When will that happen, huh? When will you stop drinking?"

Alvin felt sick to his stomach. He was still pretty high from the shots he took from the bar. How many did he drink? 20? 30? He lost count, but he obviously took a lot. "Brittany, I-"

"I'm not done talking." She snapped. They stared at each other for a while until she continued. "You've got to learn your lesson, Alvin. You have to stop drinking, please."

Alvin looked at her, but said nothing.

"If you love me, you'll stop drinking." Brittany said quietly.

Alvin's head began to spin even more. Everything he was seeing was multiplying. The effects on drinking late at night was pretty intense for him. He groaned. "Okay, but can you just let me stay for the night? I'll sleep on the couch this time. My head hurts like hell."

"Your head hurts? Well, that's not my problem, is it?" She snapped. "Alvin, I can't let you stay over tonight, because if I do, you'll never learn your lesson."

Alvin just looked at her, not knowing what to say or do next.

Brittany sighed, realizing how harsh she'd been to him. She stepped towards him, and wrapped her arms around his body, trying to ignore the fact that he still smells like alcohol. "Alvin, I love you, you know that. But it's for your own good." She said softly.

He sighed. "Fine." He said, not knowing if that was the right choice of words. But the thing was, he still felt dizzy. He knew he was still drunk but he couldn't say anything about it to Brittany. He didn't want to put anymore stress on her. Especially tonight. She's been through enough.

Brittany pulled back, wrinkling her nose from the smell of the bar he left in his clothes. She smiled weakly at him. "Now, go back home okay?" She said quietly, and he nodded. "Call me tomorrow morning."

He hesitated at first, then nodded again. "Okay." He said. But everything was getting worse. His vision started to get blurry, and his head began to spin faster. He sighed to himself, knowing that going to a bar late at night was probably the most stupidest thing he'd done. Brittany walked with him outside, and she watched him get in his car, realizing that he still stumbled as he walked.

Alvin slowly pulled out of her driveway, then backed up into the road. Inside, Alvin felt like passing out. Like literally, he felt as if he could fall asleep right this instant. He felt his grip on the wheel get loose, and felt the strong smell of alcohol coming out of his mouth every time he exhaled. He suddenly felt a hard throbbing feeling inside his head. He groaned as he threw his head back, not realizing that he was still backing up.

Then it all happened so _quickly_.

He was now on the road. Cars were passing by, but he didn't realizing that he was driving so poorly to notice that he was about to take his own life. Brittany's eyes widened when she saw what was happening in front of her eyes. He was still backing up his car - on the road - when he should of stepped on his brake. And before you knew it, it was happening.

Another car smashed into his. The ear piercing crash was so loud that Brittany actually felt the sound waves travel into her body. His car flipped in the air, landing to the side of the road. The glass shattered everywhere.

Then, a second later, it was all over. It all happened so fast, it didn't seem real.

But it was.

As she watched his car flip over to the side, watching all the glass shatter, and hearing the loud 'boom' of the crash, she felt all the blood leave her face. The scene replayed over and over again in her mind, as she tried to tell herself that this wasn't happening. But seconds later, people on the road started to run out of their cars, and towards Alvin's now-flipped over car to help. Brittany felt her knees grow weak and tears began to rise up in her eyes when she heard someone yelling for help.

"Somebody help! There's someone in the car!" She heard someone cry. "Call 911!"

"No..." Brittany whispered to herself. "NO!"

She frantically ran out of her house and onto the road where the all-too-sudden accident just took place. She pushed anyone who got in her way, and once she got to his car, she saw _him._

"Oh my god, Alvin!" She cried. "Alvin, please, no!"

Tears started to fall out of her eyes like a waterfall. She felt her heart ache with an excruciating pain that was too unbearable to explain. The one she loved was lying there on the road, face covered in blood, crushed under his car. And no words could ever explain the hell breaking emotion of seeing the one you loved being killed right in front of your eyes.

"ALVIN! PLEASE!" Brittany screamed, crouching over to him, not caring if there was glass all over the place. Around them, the bystanders looked as scared as she was. "Alvin, please wake up!" She cried, putting a hand on his face. When she pulled away, her hand was covered in blood. Tears fell out of her eyes when he didn't respond. "Alvin..." She croaked.

Then Brittany felt a hand on her shoulder. It was some random person, obviously a bystander. "Miss, the ambulance is on their way. We have to ask you to move to-"

"NO!" She screamed, looking at the person. "THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND! I CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM HERE!"

But she didn't know what to do. She felt all the life in her drain away. She began to cry and cry until that stranger had to help her up, and take her to the crowd of people watching. All the strangers were comforting her, but Brittany knew that it wouldn't help. She tried pulling away, but the sight of Alvin lying there killed her. Seconds later, she heard the sound of an ambulance. This was too surreal to be actually happening right now. Usually, you see these things in movies. But this wasn't a movie. This was real life. That's when she first realized that he was gone. And he wouldn't be returning.

She didn't even get a chance to say goodbye...

**One month later (Present day)...**

It has been one month since his death. After that night, her life fell apart. She rode in the ambulance with him, and watched as the paramedics rolled him into the hospital, and into an isolated room. She remembered calling Simon and Theodore, telling them that their brother is in the hospital because of a car crash. She remembered the exact moment when they came into the hospital, with tears in their eyes. Brittany's lower lip trembled at the memory. She remembered running up to the two of them, and crying in their arms. But the thing she remembered most was when the doctor came into the waiting room, pulling the 3 of them to the side. Automatically, Brittany knew what was happening next. When the doctor said, 'He didn't make it' in that quiet voice, she bursted into tears, and ran out of the hospital.

He was dead.

His funeral took place 2 weeks ago. As much as it pained her to go, she had to. But it was the most hurtful day of her life. That was her boyfriend. The boy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The boy she loved more than anything. The boy that shared all the memories with her. Alvin promised her that they will always be together, and that he will love her for the rest of his life. But that wouldn't happen anymore. Throughout the funeral, Brittany sat there, crying her eyes out. Eleanor, Jeanette, Simon and Theodore were crying too; the 6 of them were best friends since the very beginning. Now there were 5.

Brittany couldn't help but blame it on herself. That night, when he came to her house drunk, she should of just let him stay over for the night. But she didn't. And because she didn't, he was gone. Every time she thought about it, she would literally hurt herself. He was gone because of her. None of this would be happening right now. She quit her job after that, and all she did at home was cry and cry until it was time for bed. But she cried herself to sleep too. The fact that the one you loved with all your life was gone forever literally sent pain though her body.

But after spending 31 whole days alone, she had enough. This was all her fault. She couldn't face the pain and guilt much longer. It was eating her alive. She sat on the couch, holding herself, whispering to herself to keep it together. But that small voice in her head told her that she didn't deserve to live. He was dead because of her.

But after debating for a short while, she trembled as she whispered. "I don't deserve to live."

She got up from the couch, and made her way to the kitchen. In that short time, her whole life flew in front of her. All the memories she's spent with her sisters, the laughs with Simon and Theodore, and especially all the endless times Alvin told her that he loved her. But she now knew that it was time to end it all.

Life meant nothing.

She knew she was being selfish, but she couldn't spend another day without him. She didn't know how her sisters would react. But she knew that she would miss them, hoping that they would miss her. Brittany has dreamed of becoming a doctor someday, but she knew her dreams had to end. When _his _life ended, Brittany realized that life really did have no point if you were gonna spend it alone. And she didn't want to be alone anymore.

Brittany inched closer into her kitchen. She walked over to the counter, and stared at all the silverware. There were forks, spoons and bread knives. Her eyes scanned her living room. There were couches, chairs and her T.V. She knew this was the last time looking at her living room, but she just wanted one last glance. She turned back to her kitchen counter and opened the drawer that was underneath it.

There, sat the big french knife.

Tears ran down her eyes as she pulled the knife out of the drawer, and held it in her shaking hands.

Again, she whispered. "I don't deserve to live."

If Alvin wasn't here in this world anymore, then why was she? He was dead because of her. She couldn't handle another day with the guilt of knowing that his life ended so soon because of her. If only she let him stay for the night...

Brittany gulped as she thought about her sisters. Her sisters were so important to her. They were her little sisters. And she loved them with all her heart. They were the only two girls in the world who she knew she could tell anything to. But her sisters didn't deserve the pain she was soon gonna send them, but Brittany told herself that she didn't deserve anything at all.

"Eleanor, Jeanette...I love you guys so much." She whispered.

Then her thoughts trailed to Simon and Theodore; they were two of her best friends. They were like brothers to her, but as she told herself before, she didn't deserve anything. She was going to miss them, so much. But as Brittany told herself a million of times, she had to end everything.

"Simon, Theodore, I'm gonna miss you two so much. But...but I have to be with your brother." She croaked through a hoarse voice.

Then her thoughts flashed to Alvin. He was her life. She loved him more than anything. They grew up together, and have been best friends ever since. And the first time he leaned in and kissed her, saying 'I love you' was the most important day of her life. She thought that she and Alvin would spend their entire lives together, get married, have kids and grow old together. But that would never happen - not anymore. When he left, it was as if he took a piece of her heart with him. And it hurts. She couldn't take it anymore. She needed to be with him again. She couldn't live without him.

_She couldn't live without him._

Brittany took a deep breath, as she looked at the floor. "Alvin, you told me that we will always be together..." Then she looked at the knife in her hands.

Her hands were trembling as she inched the knife closer to her body. If she would have let him stay over for the night, none of this would be happening right now. If she'd only let him stay for the night, they would still be together, their family would still be in one piece - he would still be alive. She wanted to be with him. She needed to be with him, no matter where he was.

"And we will be together again, I promise." She whispered.

Then, as her quivering hands gripped onto the knife with trembling fingers, she took a deep breath, and closed her eyes before sending the blade through her body.

* * *

><p><strong>To be honest, I don't know what I was thinking, writing something like this...<strong>

**Of course, I would never wish anything like this to happen to Alvin and Brittany. I love them too much :)**

**OMG guys, PLEASE vote for Chipwrecked for this year's Kids Choice Awards! Just go to the website and vote! But you need to vote for all the categories for your vote to count. But Chipwrecked HAS to win this year! I mean, 'Alvin and The Chipmunks' and 'The Squeakquel' have won in the past, so let's all help continue the Chipmunks' winning streak!**

**But anyway, thanks for reading, and thanks a trillion for all the love and support you guys give me. You are all truly my motivation. And don't forget to VOTE...and REVIEW! **

**Thanks everyone :D**


End file.
